I have been suffering from a bad case of constipation… the mental kind. Now, is there such a thing? Yes! It’s called mental constipation. For those who do not know what it means, mental constipation is very similar to the constipation of the digestive system, wherein things that need to be expelled are, well, not expelled. In the case of mental constipation, however, the things needed to be released are ideas and creativity, not accumulated waste. (Although sometimes ideas can be shitty!) It is that sluggish, lazy, and unproductive state wherein thoughts have difficultly getting out of your system, therefore making you feel more sluggish, lazier, and more unproductive. It’s a vicious cycle!
A perfect example of my mental constipation is my inability to write anything in this blog these past several months. The last one I wrote was in June and it was even a repost of an entry I wrote five years ago. Although I have been able to write a couple of new posts for my other blog quite recently, it also took me such a long time to follow the ones before them. I have a list of things of topics to write about, and I am actually able to start writing a (very) rough draft, but when I try to accomplish and polish it, my ideas become completely blocked eventually and all I can think of is…
Some of the things that make me feel this way are probably because of…
1) Work. I am tired of it – both physically and emotionally. I don’t try to come up with solutions to the problems of the world neither do I try to resolve the issues of suicidal people, but my work is still tiring nonetheless. The stress, the boredom, the occasional annoying people, all rolled into one make me mentally drained. I’ve been feeling so lazy that I am unable to do my work and submit them as early as I hoped to do. I know I have to accomplish it, but these past few months, I usually just stare at it, and then cram at the last minute. Honestly, I feel so uninspired there now. I actually want to quit already!!!
2) the lack of new environment. I need to go out, discover more places, do new things, unwind and get away from everything, at least temporarily.
3) some family concerns.
4) too much distraction, lack of focus. I want to be able to get things done, but because I cannot release my ideas, I tend to center my attention on distractions, which I hope can let my mind relax for a while. To illustrate this problem – and I hate to admit it – I spend more time than necessary on Facebook these days. I manage a page and there are days when I’d just spend more time “researching” things related to that page than on the more important stuff I should finish.
5) lack of sufficient sleep.
I need to be centered. I feel like my brain is walking in a million different places but it still stays static… and unmoved.
Maybe this is more than just some mental constipation. Maybe it’s depression! Haha! Holy *&*#!^
And because I am still in that dreadful state of being un-creative, I’ll just end this entry like so because I don’t have any ideas of how to end it in a better way.