Born for the Blue Skies: Some Tiny Thoughts on Happiness

“Born for the blue skies / We’ll survive the rain /

Born for the sunrise / We’ll survive the pain.”

 ~Dark Horses by Switchfoot

 The word “happiness” is a deceptively simple word, like its kins fairness, justice, gender, time, G/god, peace, ideology, love, and other abstract terms embedded in the dictionary. 

Merriam Webster defines it as:

hapˊpiž.ness: n. a feeling of great pleasure, contentment, joy, etc.

Other notable people have likewise given their own meaning of the word:

“Happiness is a warm gun.”  ~The Beatles

 ***

Lea:

Happiness is two kinds of ice cream / Finding your skate key, telling the time / Happiness is learning to whistle / Tying your shoe for the very first time / Happiness is playing the drum in your own school band / And happiness is walking hand in hand

 Gerard:

Happiness is five different crayons / Knowing a secret, climbing a tree / Happiness is finding a nickel / Catching a firefly, setting him free / Happiness is being alone every now and then

And happiness is coming home again

 ~ “Happiness” by Lea Salonga and Gerard Salonga

 ***

“Julie: What is happiness for you, David?  Happiness to me is being with you.”  ~Cameron Diaz’ character talking to Tom Cruise’s in the movie, Vanilla Sky

 ***

 Ok, so they are not exactly great thinkers, philosophers or experts on happiness, but there is truth in what they say, no?  They have varying definitions of happiness, but what is pretty obvious is that happiness is different for every person.  What makes you happy can be another person’s misery.  Just like what Incubus sings in “Favorite Things”

“Too bad the things that make you mad are my favorite things.  I’m so happy!” 

It would make your parents extremely happy if they see you practice Law, but this in turn will kill your burning dreams of becoming a musician.  You are happy to exchange a life of endless freedom for a life inside monastery walls, which would make your girlfriend really sad.

I am not an authority on happiness. (Who is anyway?!)  In fact, I struggle with achieving it.  Life has been throwing planets of difficulties at me for quite a while now, and it has not been easy.  Aspects of my career and family life have been particularly troublesome, and I have often wondered when the “(darkest) hour before the dawn” would finally end because, man, this hour feels like an eternity!  And being a natural gloomy person, happiness sometimes feels like a battle with the world, or worse, with myself.   I have wondered how some people can easily be happy with a snap of a finger, when the pessimist in me believes that it is one of the hardest things in the world!  Happiness is hard work!  In a world of pain, problems, sadness, despair, hopelessness, desolation, and heartaches, to be happy means to see beyond all these negativities!  To be happy, means to see even splinters of light in a dark place.  To be happy means to see infinitesimal patches of blue in an overcast sky.  To be happy means to have hope, and hope is something that does not come by easily.  If you have a Leo Tolstoy mindset on happiness (“If you want to be happy, then be”), I don’t.  For me, it’s not that easy.

I once read a book when I was in high school that touched on the topic of happiness.  An excerpt of the book follows:

“As Popular Sanguine has to force himself to get organized, you have to force yourself to be cheerful.  As I explained this principle to my son, he countered, ‘But I don’t feel cheerful.’

          ‘You don’t have to feel cheerful, just be cheerful.  I’d rather have phony joy than genuine depression.’

   Realize no one likes gloomy people.  Even if you have every reason in the world to go hang yourself, no one wants to hear about it.”

 ~ “Personality Plus: How To Understand Others by Understanding Yourself”  by Florence Littauer, page 106 ~

With whom do you agree more?  I can relate to the son more.  Wouldn’t it be more wonderful if you didn’t have to force yourself to be happy and that happiness was something you’d naturally feel?  (for those who have read the book, my personality combination is Perfect Melancholy, so that explains why! 🙂 )

However, l do not totally dismiss the truth in the mother’s words too.  I try to do that and it does work once in a while.  As I have mentioned, if you want to be happy, you have to work for it. For me, it’s easier to succumb to sadness and depression.  So how do I try to feel/be happy even for a teeny-weeny bit when everything is crumbling down around me?  It’s in the little things:

1. Surround yourself with positive /bright / funny people.  Their light personalities can definitely influence you especially if you’re a naturally gloomy person.  It is good to be in a group of happy friends.  Acquainting yourself with equally pessimistic and depressed peers is just going to enclose you in a world of sadness, and god forbid, your idea of fun is taking poison laced drinks all at the same time!
2. Music is a sanctuary for me.  I drown myself in it.  Listening to angry music definitely helps release the tension; and the sorrowful kind helps me find a friend to commiserate with for sure, but it would be more helpful if the music I listen to especially when I am depressed is something positive.  I don’t necessarily suggest listening to Christian music or anything like that, but just something that doesn’t add fuel to the flame.  If you’re on the verge of breaking down and you listen to something that would get you singing like cutting your life into pieces ‘cause it is your last resort, well, it’s not really that helpful.  How about listening to something that tells you that you should not say you’re on your way down ‘cause God gave you smile, grace, and a smile upon your face?  Or perhaps listen to something that tells you that you should just try your best, do everything you can, and that you shouldn’t worry about about what other people say.  This may sound as a cliché but how about listening to something that will remind you that the best times are yet to come?  Music can be a great source for pieces of advice.  You just have to choose well to which one you should listen.            (Note: I am not anti-Papa Roach, I actually have some of his albums!)
3. This sounds silly but I have these “affirmations” stored in my phone’s daily calendar to remind me to stay positive.  Statements like “I feel bright and vital today.” Or “The world is plotting to do me good today.  I can’t wait to see what is!” or “Think of happy thoughts.” Or “Everything’s not lost.”  Or simply, “Breathe.”  I read them when I wake up in the morning so they kind of set the tone for the entire day.  The universe is listening.  Utter your words carefully and they will echo back at you and will be a reality.
4. When you feel like exploding or breaking down, just like what I said in letter C, think of happy thoughts.  Quickly flip through your memory bank and remember a happy time.  Go there.  Relive it and make it as your temporary shelter.  I know happiness is doubled when you share happy events in your life, but for me, sometimes I keep a happy memory but I don’t share it with another person.  I feel that the happiness of that memory becomes more “concentrated” or potent; that somehow it’s purer and untainted.  Good and happy memories are powerful.  Always keep something handy so when dementors appear, you can easily point a stick at them and shout, Expecto Patronum!
5. Children can be irritating and annoying but their company can sometimes ease your pain.  They laugh easily even at the simplest of things.  Learn to do it too. Or force yourself to laugh too.  Hey, even Laughter Yoga recommends it!  Laughing, even when there’s nothing funny or when it is forced, compels the brain to release endorphins – the “happy” hormones.
6. Try to see and appreciate at least one beautiful thing that happened to your day.  Even the simplest thing will do.  I believe that there are things that would always prove that you are blessed despite all the unfolding drama in your life.

Being happy is not without huge risks and sacrifices, but ultimately – and I’m slowly realizing this now – that it does depend on oneself.  You can choose a life of sadness or you can choose to be happy.  (Sudden realization: I guess Leo Tolstoy is right after all, huh?) It is your life, and therefore, your decision.  Your happiness is your responsibility.  Life is full of tragedies, yes, but you and only you, are responsible for your happiness.   Do what makes you truly happy.  Some people say that you should not try to chase happiness, but I think you do have to go for what would make you happy, toil for it, and if necessary, even fight for it.  Because to be happy is indeed our god given right.  We were born for the blue skies and the sunrise.  It is our destiny.

PS.  Just a few months back, Coca-Cola released a  commercial about a 100-year-old man sharing his secrets on happiness.  I must admit I was moved by it.   “Pinanganak ka para maging maligaya.”  That line really got me.  And the whole commercial got me teary-eyed.   This ad is in Filipino but this particular video has English subtitles.  Check it out.

Making A Living**

**written by Jon Foreman for huffingtonpost.com

“Hate was just a failure of imagination.” — Graham Greene

Re-appropriate is a word that I stole from my friend David Dark. He’d stolen it from a guy named Jeff Tweedy. It’s a good word to steal.  In fact, of all the words I’ve stolen in my lifetime I feel the least remorse for lifting this one. Re-appropriate: to seize and reassign. It’s very definition encourages a theft of sorts. I suppose all of language works like that: taking anonymous words and making them our own. This enlightened practice of re-appropriation is unique to the human experience: We adapt within our situation to make the most of it. All other creatures are defined by their innate abilities, mostly untaught. A worm is not taught how to crawl. A chameleon is not taught how to change colors. A rabbit, a horse, a spider- these creatures are defined by themselves and their intrinsic giftings. We human beings are not like this: we bend, we learn, we invent, we change. Humanity has been making herself up all along. Making life. Making a living.

I would like to re-appropriate the phrase “making a living” to mean something larger than accumulating net worth in an online bank account. I’d like to suggest that ATM receipts and mortgage payments have very little to do with living or life or making life worth living. In my personal struggle to make a living, I’ve found that true success has very little to do with income or comfort. In fact, it seems to me that inconvenience, hardship and discomfort are my best teachers. It’s as though these horrible, wonderful moments where I realize my own limitations are almost exclusively the only ones that matter. So when I’m brave enough, I chase these awkward moments down. I write songs about them. I put my scattered thoughts online. Heck, I even seek therapy from time to time. Love, dreams, confessions, God, women — these are dreadful, awe-inspiring mysteries to me. They put a funny taste in my mouth. They give me scrapes and scars. And stories.

The best stories often come from inconvenient and uncomfortable places.

Like a newborn child, real life comes out painfully, awkwardly, delicately. As a pearl is formed only when the oyster is agitated with sand, the most important moments in my life were born out of friction. The art comes from the awkward ache. The knot in my stomach usually teaches me more than comfort ever could. The sculptor’s chisel carves away at the block to bring something new into being. In the same way, we hammer away at the world we’re given to bring something new into being. We re-appropriate the past and present to create the future — breath by breath.

We are making our living on a dying planet, born into a world of contingencies.

Ours world is torn to shreds by the greed of men, the intolerance of our times, and the wars that rage on in the world around us. Every day our bodies are decaying. On the day of our birth, our death becomes an eventuality. Yes, the world we’ve been given is under the dark shadow of these struggles. We’re born into the fight. It’s as though we’re armed only with a dream. So it’s no surprise that our hopes are dulled on the battlefield of institutionalized cynicism. In this world of death and taxes we might even begin to question whether dreams are appropriate. Against the backdrop of despair, we are tempted to abandon the struggle of hope and accept dead cash instead. We’re tempted to believe that “the real world” could never be anything other than it is.

But isn’t “the real world” largely what we humans have made it? Let us remind ourselves that the “financial security” that we are slaving for is anything but secure. Let’s remember that this peace of mind recently went bankrupt. Yes, these supposedly stalwart investment institutions were bailed out by a government that faces an insurmountable debt. Let’s take it even further and recall that none of us has any control or security over the day of our birth or death. And in this context I believe that “making a living” cannot be tied to the paycheck alone. Rather we make the real world of tomorrow today. Moment by blessed moment, we’re making a living.

To make this kind of living takes incredible creativity. To see the limitless possibility in the present moment takes a wild imagination. And it’s not just artists that need this untamed ingenuity.

A good teacher is creative. A good computer programmer is creative. A good mom is incredibly creative. A good lawyer looks beyond the contingencies of injustice and works to bring a more virtuous existence into being.

In fact, the argument could be made that a human being is most God-like when she is most creative: ingeniously crafting the true and the beautiful out of the confines of the present tense. Remixing tomorrow out of the raw materials of today. Re-appropriating a dream into reality. And it’s not just vagabond surfers who chase down preposterous dreams of doing what they love — humanity has been doing this all along. Flying without wings? Landing on the moon? Recording and amplifying sound? Yes. We invent, we progress, and we make it up as we go along. Does it sound like a swindle, like cheating the system? Does it sound outrageous!? It absolutely is! But that’s what making a living is my friends — it’s scandalous! Yes, and the outrageous souls who are willing to risk failure might be the only ones who are truly making a living. For better or worse they are defining the world our children will inherit.

This world is a hand-me-down. It was given to us by our parents — women and men much like ourselves. Human beings in love, human beings rejected, human beings hungry, restless, apathetic and hopeful: ever-changing, ever-adapting. Yes, the human soul is a bundle of conflicting desires. You want peace but you love excitement. You hate math but you want to graduate. You love your parents but they drive you crazy. Even our hopes are at odds with each other. The rent? The relationship? The career? The vacation? Our dreams rarely line up. It’s messy stuff, but these are the raw materials that life has given you. You had no choice as to where your journey begins, but the choice is available to you now. You could argue that you didn’t choose to be born, that there are factors of your existence over which you have little or no control. It’s true, these are the contingencies we were born into. Your heart, your bones, your soul, your sexuality — these were given to you. Given to you as a painter is given a canvas and a brush. Given to you as a sculptor is given a block of marble. St Francis of Assisi said that “He who works with his hands and his head and his heart is an artist.” Your artistry? Your craft? You are making a living.

Which is to say that you are the art. Your words, your haircut, your clothes, your actions — these display your unique blend of past and present, desire and lack thereof, insecurity and purpose. You are the painting, and everyday you’re painting yourself and the world around you.

Every moment is a canvas is waiting to come to life. The walls of this planet and the walls of your heart are still available to graffiti artists everywhere. There’s still room for redemptive, honest, hopeful colors. You put your brush to canvas with every decision, with every breath. We are the human race. We are the re-appropriators. But none of us are creating out of nothing. Human creation is always re-appropriation. Trying to put beauty into form.

Tom Morrello once said that “Music is like sausage.” He was killing time on-stage in a club called Hotel Cafe in Hollywood. We were halfway through the encore trying to figure out a cover tune that none of us really knew. It was a mild form of chaos onstage. So as we switched instruments and tried to work it out, Tom told this parable to the patient crowd, “Music is like sausage. You love the final product but sometimes you don’t want to see how it’s made.” It’s one of my favorite stories to tell. I love finding something beautiful within the bizarre. Grace within contingency.* Because after all, that’s what music is. That’s what life is. Re-appropriating the scraps we have at hand in an attempt to create something truly magnificent. Crafting timeless beauty out of our own temporal specific circumstances. My friends who practice yoga have a saying, “Fake it till you make it.” Maybe that’s what humans do best: we make it up as we go along.

You want to know the meaning of life? This is your highest calling: You are called into the dynamic co-creation of the cosmos. This breath is your canvas and your brush. These are the raw materials for your art, for the life you are making. Nothing is off limits. Your backyard, your piano, your paintbrush, your conversation, Rwanda, New Orleans, Iraq, your marriage, your soul. You’re making a living with every step you take. So when you make a living, do not merely make money. Why settle for cash when joy is on the line? You feel a thrill when you dance, when you sing, when you finish your poem; even when you sweep the room you see order pressing back against the chaos. So when you create, never settle for making a living — at least not the way that the world might define that phrase. When you make a living, you are speaking a new world into existence. You are creating grace within the confines, you are co-signing God’s blank checks.

*inspired by Gregory Wolfe

wondering/wandering

“you look tired” said my colleague yesterday while i was outside of our office, thinking about… nothing.  i decided to step out for a while to get some fresh air.  it was raining lightly yesterday afternoon and the wind felt good on my skin.  it was cool.

“ganun ba?”  (is that so?) i replied with a smile.  i told her that i was just sleepy, not tired.  but that was not the truth.  i was tired.  still am, actually.  i’m tired of thinking about a lot of things that are happening in my life right now, and of things that i want to happen but are not happening– especially those relating to my career.

you would think that the person who’s the easiest to understand would yourself, but no!  one day you’d realize that there is actually a stranger living inside you and you try so hard to get to know this stranger, make her your friend – your best friend – but she’s just the most bashful little thing you’ve ever known.  and i’m just tired of all this drama.  why don’t i know what i want?  why is it so hard to do?

there are times when i think everything is going fine – that i am just exaggerating the “problems” that i have.  my mind would occassionally calm myself down and reassure me that i am near that point in my life where i can finally say, “finally!  i now know!”  but there are times when i just spiral down and in an instant, i am again lost.

i look at my closest friends and they seem to be content with their lives, moving on.  i rarely hear any sentiment resembling my own from them.   i do have a couple of friends who are also experiencing some sort of “identity crisis,” but the rest are fine.  sometimes i wonder if my “fulfilled friends” are really fulfilled now or are just trying to avoid such topics too.

i am trying really hard but i always seem to go back to step one!  what lesson has my soul not understood yet?

below are songs that have been constantly in my personal soundtrack for years.   they express exactly how i feel.  i appreciate the fact that i am not the only one who is experiencing what i am experiencing now, but i hate the fact that i can relate to them… still.

~nowhere fast by incubus

~ why georgia by john mayer

The Rational Decisions

In the field of International Relations, there is a concept called “the rational actor.”  The rational actor refers to a person who acts upon a decision, usually in times of emergencies or crises.  The most important factor of her/his decision making process is the urgency of the over all (political) atmosphere.  With this concept, a decision made by an actor becomes reasonable if it is able to swiftly and effectively respond to the critical situation at hand. Her/his decision may not necessarily be the best one (in terms of a long term perspective), but since she/he is in a position wherein a prompt action is needed, her/his action can be considered as the most logical and reasonable one
at that particular moment in time.

 * * *

Quite recently, I have had to make a “rational decision” as well.  I will not go into details anymore.  Let me just say that there are some things around me that have become rather unstable and insecure and not doing something about it would only make the situation worse.  I had to do something even if it meant setting aside some personal/political beliefs and tearing down “plans” I have
previously made for myself.  Making this decision was not easy for me.  Honestly, I have been trying to avoid seeing this day come.  I stalled many times, hoping that I would not have to do it.  However, due to the current pressing need to act, I was left with no choice but to close my eyes and act upon it.

To be quite honest, it is not really as harsh in reality as it sounds here.  It’s just that it’s not something that I ever wanted for myself.
Never have.  I have always felt and believed that it is not for me; and that making that choice is out of the question.  I once told myself that I would only do it if the situation becomes dire.

Unfortunately, the situation did become really bleak.  And I hated it.  Even the slightest idea of making that decision made me powerless and more doubtful as to what the future might have for me after this phase.  Nevertheless, I set aside all of those thoughts and did what was necessary.  It was the “best” thing for me to do.

At the onset, I had a hard time dealing with the decision I made.  But as days progressed, I decided upon another thing – I decided to shift my perspectives and see the positive side in all of this.  What good would this experience do to me?  How could I further make it to my advantage?  I chose to think this way because honestly, I am tired of over thinking things, of worrying.  I just felt the need to just
“go with flow” until everything falls into its proper place.

I once had an officemate who was no longer happy with a certain relationship.  She said that in order to counter the negative feelings she was having, instead of focusing on them, what she would do was list all of the things that still made her happy.  I kind of found it silly.  I told her that happiness / contentment should be something that she should feel naturally; that it should not be studied or forced.  I told her to leave it behind and look for someone better.  She decided to go on with it and just “find happiness” amidst the gloominess of her state.  That was almost 2 years ago.  Just a couple of weeks back, we met again.  She is still in the same relationship and feeling depressed more than ever.  I asked her why she didn’t want to leave still.  She told me a bunch of reasons for staying and gave me that old “technique” of “finding happiness amidst the emptiness” thing.

Now, what is my point regarding the story of my friend?  I now get her point of “finding the positive amidst the negative.”  I am actually
applying that same principle to my life now.  I must say, it is working and more or less, I am no longer that heavily burdened with pessimism and other negativities.  I am feeling relatively more hopeful with things.  I suddenly remember this scene from the movie
“Elizabethtown,” wherein Kirsten Dunst tells Orlando Bloom that surrender is so much easier to do compared to finding happiness ‘cause finding happiness involves so much work (something like that).  However, what my friend does not get is that there is a huge
difference between working to find happiness and convincing yourself that you can still find happiness or something positive in a depressing situation.  You need to be aware when the fine line between the two erodes.  You need to make a wiser decision when that time arrives because in the end, what I’ve realized is that the more important thing is not how much work you’ve done in making yourself happy but the amount of time you truly felt it.

So for now, I’m trying to find all the reasons not to be so pessimistic with things and just trying to go with the flow and just hope for the best.